Stuck Like Glue

"You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father's desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.
John 8:44 ESV

The morning used to be my least favorite time in my day. This is where I had the most self-hate filled thoughts. It was always hard for me to fill my head with positivity when I woke up wanting to die each morning. During the day I had to put on a fake smile and go to school like everything was okay when everything was falling apart in other areas of my life. But when I got home I was able to self medicate by pushing out my happiness and optimism and filling it with self destructive thoughts.
When the moon came out each night, I was able to lurk and hide in the darkness with my pessimism and negativity. Negativity and I were stuck together like super glue. I could not separate myself away from destruction. I had become a master at putting up a facade. I do not even think my closest friends in middle and high school knew the thoughts that lingered in my head and began to control me.

I forgot who I was.
I forgot how to live a normal life.
I could not pull myself away from the lies.
I could not pull myself away from this nightmare.